Forgive

Forgive

"I forgive myself and others because life is a learning experience."

I mentioned in an earlier post that I've been having a rough couple of days. I've been debating whether to say what happened but i thought i would because people need to know they aren't alone with their feelings and also because i don't want to feel ashamed (although i still am at the moment)

Yesterday i got into a bad argument with my brain. A very bad one. I was going to the gym because i wanted a workout and swim so got ready and went downstairs to go out of the car and all of a sudden didn't want to. I felt disgusted with my body, why would someone want to see me all hot and sweaty? Who wants to see a chubby girl in a bikini? I was quite harsh on myself. I literally crawled to my front door and got in the car. It took me ten minutes to drive. Once i got to the gym, it took me twenty minutes to get out the car. I was DETERMINED i was going to get my ass into my bikini and into the pool!  My workout was fine. I do go really red in the face when i workout but i wasn't worried about that. I cried throughout getting changed into my bikini and avoided looking in a mirror at all costs. But there, i did it! I did not let my mind win!

 Today i forgive myself for getting into that situation in the first place and I've learnt that i just have to get on with it and not over think. I'm not going to beat myself up and have crying sessions like i normally would. It happened,  i did it, i got over it. Case closed :)